Changes (IC)

Nidge Darkfold enters the room quietly. The room is as yet unfamiliar to him, but his belongings are here. This place will become more familiar as time passes. It is his private infirmary; here he can treat people in a safe environment where they will not be disturbed and watchful eyes cannot see. No one can find him in this place. Any attempts to do so would be very unwise.

Music seems to hang in the air and outside he hears the sound of birds in the trees. He pulls out his chair and sits down at his desk. His journal is there, as always. Running his hands over the cover, he sighs deeply. So much has changed in so little time. Nidge opens the the journal and turns to a blank page. Reading the previous entry, he shudders. That entry marked the start of the changes that have lead him to this place. He takes up his pen and dips it in to the ink and begins to write the events that have occured since he last sat in front of it.

"Things have changed since my last entry. I am no longer in the service of the Dark Lord. I have fled from him and his cold dwelling, but am in fear of reprisals - especially as I have treated an injury he had inflicted on a young kajirus. HIs vileness etched in the boy's chest with a blade. I hope I have managed to removed all trace of it. I dare not set foot on Scimitar Isle for fearing of being caught by him - no matter how much I would like to see my dear friends. I did venture back once and discovered a couple of his victims impaled on spikes by the entrance."

Nidge shakes his head as he tries to cast out the thoughts of darkness. Momentarily he smiles, lost in thoughts of being lost in someone's arms for hours on end. In a moment of pain he had found so much pleasure. He closes his eyes and thinks of the man's strong arms around him, the weight of his body on him, the depth of his kiss and the hours they spent locked in the slow, sensual, passionate exploration of each other's bodies. His whole body tingles at the memory and yearns to feel as desired as that again. He opens his eyes, the smile lingering on his lips as he gathers his thoughts and continues with his writing.

"The death of the kajirus at Scimitar Isle appears to have been an accident so my free companion was absolved of any crime. My free companion and I, however, have parted company. I am not sure if this is permanent. Many people have tried to get me away from him. Many people have tried to keep me with him. His tyrannical ways were wearing me down. His dark sexual desires left me cold. His words cut me as deep as any knife. So I fled from him too as I had fled from the Dark Lord."

"A man I barely know took pity upon me and gave me safe haven. Not only did he make me feel safe, but he made me feel alive and awakened my senses. While I was with him I felt myself burning as hot as the sun itself. I long to feel that way again. Perhaps in time I will be lucky - or I shall live on the memory of my time with him until the day I die."

Nidge takes a moment and lets his eyes wander around the room. His books are here, his pictures, his other belongings. He dips his pen and, turning his thoughts back to the page, continues to write..

"I went wandering. I had nowhere to belong; my home was gone and I was alone in the world. While in Silver Tree of Tabor I met a strange man. I was mightily afraid of him at first. He was dressed in black and wore a mask. There was no mark on his forehead so I knew he was not a member of the black caste there to kill me, but I suspected he was an outlaw. His manner and words soon told me differently. He was charming, though he had a roughness and rudeness to his charm. He was direct without being forceful. His attention was most welcome for someone as alone as I, yet I declined the offer of flying off with him on his tarn. As we talked, a member of the Taborean red caste appeared. There seemed to be tension between the two men. Part of the tension appeared to be the stranger's advances towards me. Eventually a scuffle broke out between the two men. The stranger hastily disappeared and I was alone with the guard. Sadly, I had been safer with the man in black. The guard used his sword to remove my clothing. As I stood naked and at his mercy, the stranger returned on his tarn! He gathered me up and took me to his homestone in an oasis. He cared for me in my embarrassed and disadvantaged state. We ran on the sand, swam in the water and explored the caves together. He was a most handsome man. Of course, he had a secret - something I dare not even reveal on this page for fear of someone reading it and using the information against my rescuer."

Nidge chuckles to himself. He hopes he will see the stranger again soon - he needs to thank him properly for the rescue. Of course, it helps that the man was very attractive and had a fine body. He was also so different from the other men he had been in the company of. Nidge dips his pen in the ink again and thinks also of the two men of his caste who he has warm feelings for. One of them brought him exquisite pleasure one afternoon. A little pleasure here and there is gladly accepted in lieu of something more permanent. He cannot understand why he has become the focus of attention, but is deeply flattered. His cheeks flush with colour as he writes the conclusion of his adventures.

"I went to another oasis to try to relax a while. I had been there several times as it was recommended to me by a friend and I am filled with admiration for the scribe there. While I was there I was met by a dear friend from Scimitar Isle. He asked me to join him and the Princes of the oasis as they chatted. They were most welcoming and I was made to feel at home instantly. Out of nowhere I was offered the chance to make it my home - using the infirmary there and the house above it. Before I had time to think, it was generally agreed that it was for the best that I stayed there and I was escorted to the infirmary by one of the Princes. He was a most helpful man...in fact he could not help me out of my warm, heavy clothing fast enough! Clad in only a piece of cloth until I found some appropriate clothing, I wandered around in the heat of the desert. I swam naked in the river and felt my troubles wash away. I have no idea where this strange turn of events will lead, but for now it pleases me to feel the heat of the desert."

Nidge puts down his pen. It has begun to grow dark. As he looks around the room, he realises that it doesn't matter where he is. He has his things. He has his life. He has his friends. He pushes the chair back and stands up. Crossing the room, he washes in the basin and thn moves around the screen to the bed in the corner of the infirmary. There is no need to lock the door here. Remvoing his clothes, he places them in a neat pile by the bed. He sinks in to the bed and closes his eyes. Sleep comes quickly. He feels peace in the darkness now.

Darkness Falls (IC)

Nidge Darkfold enters the room quietly. He moves silently in the shadows around the edge of the large, austere room, as if nothing but a mere shadow himself. He is weighed down by the dark, heavy, hooded cloak and the burdens upon him, but has quickly learned to move stealthily to avoid detection or the interest of those aorund him. He looks around this place. If anyone was there, they would only see his eyes beneath the hood no matter how much light flooded the room for only his eyes are unshielding. They would see the torment of his soul reflected in his eyes; the eyes that are growing dim as his interest in this life slips away from him and his longing for release from it grows.

The dark figure of Nidge emerges from the shadows, his soul still gripped by the darkness. He moves towards the desk in the corner of the room, pulls the chair forward enough to allow himself access and sits down wearily. In front of him is the large journal in which he records his thoughts and experiences in the archaic language of the physicians. He opens the book and turns to a blank page. He takes up a pen. Dipping it in the ink, he begins an attempt to unburden himself upon the paper.

"Things have taken some very strange twists recently. My free companion and I have changed homestone to Scimitar Isle. It seemed to be a quiet place at first and most people were friendly. I spent a very pleasant afternoon in the company of the physician there and enjoyed time with one of the kajiri.

As there was already a more than competent physician, I was able to relax; safe in the knowledge that medical needs would be addressed by someone with much more experience than I. This allowed me time to explore some of the wonderful cities of Gor. I particularly enjoyed a visit to Schendi... The poetry and story telling event in Farnacium was also a wonderful change to the drama and intrigues that are so commonplace. A girl named cait told a story by the name of Ink. She described the thoughts and emotions of a kajira in exquisite detail. I cried silent tears listening to her. As well as the plight of a kajira, she also expressed the situation of some free companions."

Nidge pauses for a moment. His mind is a whirl of thoughts and emotions. He sighs deeply. A tear slips from the corner of his eye and ambles casually down his cheek before being soaked up by the mask he is wearing. "How odd that I should be wearing this mask", he thinks, "I have hidden myself behind a 'mask' almost every day of my life and now it turns to a physical one". The mask serves many purposes. Something to keep prying eyes away from him. Something to prolong his safety. Something to hide his shame. He dips the pen in to the ink once more and continues to write.

"Everything was progressing well in Scimitar Isle. I had a place to live, people to engage with. Everything seemed to go wrong without any warning signs. First there was an attack on the fort. Everything was confused. A man I had met only once was with a kajirus I did not know; they seemed to be attacking. I felt I had no option and waded in to the fight with my fists. I managed to overpower the man but the kajirus rendered me unconscious. It is a pity as the man had seem very friendly the last time I had met him and I would have enjoyed getting to know him better. Much better, in fact.

When I recovered, I went to tend my wounds and assuage my shame at attacking someone - by downing a large draught of Paga. I had been injured previously on a visit to White Water. I slipped and fallen from the hillside as I wandered and was impaled by spikes, then stumbling around in my dazed state, a sleen attacked me. So I was already nursing injuries before this attack at the fort."

Nidge dips his pen in the ink once more. The glow from the candle on the desk casts a warm glow around him, but he feels cold. A shiver runs down his spine. He glances around the room checking to make sure no one has entered unnoticed while he was lost in his thoughts. He sees no one, but takes no comfort in that as there still may be unseen eyes watching him from the darkness. There have been whispers that his every move is under intense scrutiny and even a suggestion that an assassin is seeking him out. He returns his attention to the book in front of him. If a blade he should strike, he would prefer not to see it's approach.

"Later I was asked to return to the fort in Scimitar Isle to tend to another kajirus who had been injured by a leech plant. I was surprised to see the cells were quite full when I got there. I dealt with the injuries of the boy. They were not life threatening and he was a strong, fine kajirus."

Nidge lifts his head from his writing. He smiles behind his mask. How he wished he could have the attentions of a strong boy. Or better yet, a free man. His body yielded easily to the touch and his heart burned with passion and a strong desire to bring pleasure. His Free Companion had darker tastes and their encounters in the furs were rough...violent... Their relationship had become turbulent and he had found himself on a couple of occasions in tears cowering in fear at the man he dared not refuse. He shakes his head, trying to dispel the dark thoughts. His mind wanders to the boy he had so desired on arrival at Scimitar Isle. He had found pleasure with him and thought a deep connection had been made between them. Sadly it was not to be and he hed awakened one day to find the boy was gone. How he yearned for him. His eyes glance down at the page.

"It was something of a shock to discover that those in the cells of the fort were of the Dark Ahn. Once I had treated the injuries of the boy, the outlaws were escorted outside to their waiting associates. A trade took place and they left by tarn without further incident.

The following day a scroll was pinned up to say the Ubar of Scimitar Isle had been taken in to protective custody. I was unsure what was actually happening...as were the others of the homestone. A man I did not know came and said he would be acting in an advisory capacity until such time that the Ubar was able to return. Much confusion and anger were evident.

On the next day a council meeting took place very early. I was asleep and not party to the discussions. Some of the conversation was relayed to me on waking. My free companion had apparently sought acceptance for himself within his caste. He is a scribe and has previously occupied the role of magistrate. He wished for the same within Scimitar Isle. His request had been denied. He had also asked for me to be able to practice the healing ways of my caste in conjunction with the existing physician. It is said that the physician threatened to leave the homestone if such action was agreed upon."

The fallen physician stops writing and drops his pen. His hands cover his face. Unable to hold his emotions in a moment longer, his body shakes as he sobs violently. He does not care if anyone hears. He does not care if anyone sees. In his mind he screams out to the Priest Kings to end this torment swiftly. He sobs for an ahn, until no tears are left in his body. He feels a numbness creeping through him and sits silently staring at the candle flame. Eventually he regains enough composure to continue. Picking up the pen and dipping it in the ink, he writes the final part of the entry. The worst part of the entry. The part that scares him most of all.

"After I was told of the events of the meeting, my Free Companion told me that there was a place he wanted to show me. He said we would find a home there. He took me to a castle on a hill and assured me I would be safe there. My mind screamed in terror when he told me to whom the castle belonged...the Dark Lord, Bac. I struggled to control myself. I had thought he was dead and his return sent my mind reeling. His reputation preceeds him. My Free Companion revealed to me how he knew this person and I shook with fear.

If only that had been an end to my fear. Within moments the Dark Lord entered the room. I fought the desire to run; not knowing if I would be cut down before I could even reach the door. The two men greeted each other strangely. The Dark Lord then turned his attention to me. I am sure my fear must have been palpapable. He approached, standing so very close to me. He was so close that I suspected that even the slightest movement would have caused me to touch him and be lost forever in the darkness that surrounded him. I was gripped by fear but unable to move. His presence was intoxicating. I have always secretly been drawn to men of power and even this dark and terrible power awakened my senses and my desires. In that moment I felt fully alive; not knowing if it would be last moment I ever felt anything.

He questioned me for a short time, before his true nature burst forth like a crazed sleen emerging from it's burrow. He said he had previously used the services of a member of my caste. To prove his point he produced the head of the man. I shrank back from him but it was to no avail. My free companion and this dark beast had formed some kind of allegiance and I was now trapped. Orders were issued. We were not to be seen. Our clothes were to be changed so that no skin showed. I had no option but to accept these demands as I was almost paralysed with fear.

The Dark Lord left us. I observed him from the door of the castle. He appeared to be talking to a kajirus; how I pitied the kajirus, not knowing what fate he would meet. If only I had known his fate, I would have done everything I could to send him away. The Dark Lord left him untouched, but the boy came to us. He said he was alone and desired to serve us. Having lost the boy I felt so much for, I was not interested in another. My free companion, on the other hand, was most eager and I knew what his purpose was - and what the boy would be subjected to in the furs. I shuddered at the thought. The boys slave papers were removed and burned. Foolishly I allowed one of my collars to be taken and fitted to him. We then made our way on a long journey to an oasis. The two of them retired in to a tent. I could not be a party to the acts...nor a victim of them either. I made my excuses and left. On returning to Scimitar Isle much later, I discovered that my free companion was absent. And the boy was dead. The man who came to us in an advisory capacity has revealed a scroll from the Ubar saying how unhappy he is at his property being slain. The murder will be investigated, I do not know what the outcome will be, but I fear my free companion's time is running out. I pray to the Priest Kings that mine is too."

Nidge puts down his pen. He leans forward and blows out the candle. Sitting alone in the room consumed both by the night and the darkness. His scream pierces the night before he falls to the floor and crawls under the desk to sleep fitfully, tortured by terrible visions from the past, the present and an imagined future.

Where do I begin? (IC except where indicated)

(OOC) I have been quiet over the past few weeks. RL situations (like a breakdown) meant that I needed to take time away from blogs and Gor and SL. I took time off work and went away to try and put myself back together - it worked, in some part anyway... (end of OOC)

Things have been unusual lately. I completed a change of homestone and left Tabor for Tharnock. I was looking for a quiet life. Of course, things do not turn out as we expect or hope for.

Shortly after my move to Tharnock, events started to move rapidly. My friend, Tiber Delphin, asked me to be his Free Companion. I accepted gladly as I have loved him since the first moment we were introduced by a mutual friend. He is not the type of man I would normally have chosen, but there is something about him. I love being able to submit to him totally when we are in private. I did not expect him to be so dominant yet loving; many men would surely have clamped a collar around my neck for such behaviour as I have shown to him in the furs. We have yet to have any kind of ceremony, but Tiber made the official announcement before I could get the ring on my finger! We spent the next few days in blissful solitude away from the homestone in our private home at Dark Path.

Tiber went travelling and I started to make myself at home in Tharnock. Our Ubar seemed to like to collect panthers as pets, which meant their sisters came looking and we were under attack frequently. As an unarmed green, I kept myself away from such matters; my only input being to attempt slave exams on the mad women...which usually ended when I lost my temper and they had to be taken away from my 'special' syringes.

I kept myself busy with getting to know the citizens, such as the lovely lady slaver, and refurnishing the infirmary. I also worked on the home that Tiber and I had taken on together and spent time wandering from place to place in search of interesting people and sights.

Things took an unexpected turn on a trip to the Oasis of the Golden Pleasure Tent. The place had been recommended to me by a very dear friend who I think the world of. I spent some time during a couple of visits getting to know a man at the Oasis. He seemed very friendly and I grew to like him - a lot. I enjoyed spending time in his company and in his arms; we have not furred, before any accusations are made, but he does seem to enjoy my nakedness.

I also spent some time with the very dear friend who introduced me to the Oasis - an afternoon spent in his arms dancing and talking made me happier and safer than he can possibly ever know. I had felt an instant attraction to him too, but his attentions lay elsewhere and I was too polite to make my feelings for him known.

Back in Tharnock, I had a pregnancy to deal with; the lady had tried to keep it to herself for as long as she could, but these things have a tendency to show eventually. Incidently the lady now has a beautiful baby boy. The first time I had delivered a baby but all seemed to go well enough.

Trouble occured one afternoon when the Ubar brought another pet home. She had been held captive in the fort on the hill for some time when a large group of her sisters appeared. They soon mounted an attack on the city. There were very few of us around and all of them except for me were in the fort. I quickly rushed to ring the alarms. Of course, it was a futile effort as no one came. I managed to get to the fort without incident. A couple of panthers had been downed and were bound. Minor injuries, but nothing that needed me. And then the full scale assault occured. All of us were downed, including me. Despite posing little threat to the women, I was downed four times, but was the only one left behind in the city when they left with their prisoners. I recovered and once the city returned to normal, I went travelling to re-build my strength.

When I returned from my travels, I found a scroll from Tiber saying he had left Tharnock. He did not tell me why and neither did the citizens. I am still not completely sure what happened. I resumed my role as physician in Tharnock. There seemed to be more people moving in and changes had happened with the buildings. A new outlaw fort had sprung up on one of the hills and there was talk of mercenaries coming too. All seemed to be progressing well...which is always a bad sign.

The outlaw fort on the hill had prisoners. I did not realise this until I noticed a large group of people on the horizon. I cautiously approached them, but thankfully I recognised some of the faces from Tabor and Silver Tree. I spoke with the two friends - the physician, Kenneth, and a warrior, Fourleaf - and that is when I discovered the existence of the prisoners. People continued to come from the boat...more from Tabor...more from Silver Tree...people I had no idea of their homestone. I offered my assistance but ended up storming off as all but the two men I have mentioned ignored me as if I was not there at all! I thought, "Let them find the damn fort on their own". Of course, they managed that with surprising ease...almost as if they had a map or some tracking mechanism. Some of them came via Tharnock and again I was ignored - even my attempts to offer the infirmary for their use seemed to gain little reaction. I had thought we Goreans had better manners, but maybe they are all actually barbarians brought here by the Priest Kings. Eventually my anger got the better of me and I went to the fort alone with no thought to my own safety. Thankfully the twenty or so warriors and slaves had managed to defeat the two outlaws. It came as no surprise that I was completely ignored again! To add insult to injury, on my way back home I was trampled by a kajirus, later identified as being from Silver Tree. His lack of training was highlighted not by the fact that he walked over me, but that he failed to apologise...or in fact speak at all. It would appear that standards there are slipping. Of course, given that the kajirus was only following the example set by the first sword of Silver Tree who strode about silently, one can hardly wonder.

While alone in the city the next morning, I was suddenly struck with an arrow. A mad panther babbling in an incomprehensible tongue was outside the city walls. I rushed to ring the alarms as arrows rained upon me. Seeing people I recognised in the woods, I shouted for help. The people moved away, off in to the hills. Realising I was on my own, I tried to reason with the insane woman. The Priest Kings seemed to favour her as one moment she was outside the city walls and the next she miraculously emerged from the tavern... I ran for cover but was downed before I could reach the fort. She left me unconscious; I have no idea why she attacked or what she did in the city. When I regained consciousness, I crawled to the infirmary and treated my injuries. I then climbed in to one of the beds and slept for many hours.

On waking, I discovered the Ubar had returned. I told him of the attack. He said there had been many strangers while I had slept. I wandered around, my bandages wet with blood. I heard parts of whispered conversations. It seemed to me that the newcomers were ready to move their own people in to a variety of positions within Tharnock. I did meet a lovely lady physician - visitor or about to move in? Time will tell.

I was exploring last night. I ran in to Tiber as I looked around a city. He saw my wounds. To say he was unsympathetic would be something of an understatement. He ordered me home and insisted I clean myself up better. He then shouted at me for going back to Tharnock when my place was at his side. I have never seen him so angry and I was ashamed at myself for making him feel that way. I apologised a lot. I cried even more. Eventually I cried myself to sleep on our bed. I woke this morning; he was not around and there were no scrolls from him. I hope he can forgive me. I also hope that we can find somewhere that will accept us as I don't fancy the life of an outlaw. I am not much enjoying the life of a green at the moment either. Or that of a Gorean...

May the Priest Kings favour you.