Slavery (IC)

Nidge sits at his desk in the infirmary at Klima. The desert city is quiet and his mind is wandering over recent events. He rises from his seat and looks out over the city to the dunes beyond.

Presently, the physician returns to his seat. He picks up his pen, dips it in the ink and begins to write on the blank page of the journal lying in front of him on the infirmary desk; his thoughts are of the time he was a slave.

"Although I am naturally submissive and tend towards self-deprecation and deference to others, being a slave was much more difficult for me than I ever expected it to be. I was heavily restricted - no serving, no bathing, no furring, no travelling, no fighting. The first three seemed to be driven by jealousy and the last two driven by a desire to keep me safe. Yet all of them served as ways to ensure unimaginable boredom and desperation. There were hours spent alone wandering around the city or sitting in the kennel or tower in the fort. I also used to spend time sitting on the city wall, staring out in the hope that I might see some visitors."

"As a slave, there was a lot of time where I was just there in the background. While I understand that a slave is merely a possession, it is hard to find any enjoyment being no more a part of things than a plant or painting or any other inanimate object. I still had feelings and craved the comfort and tender love that anyone else does. Being stared at or told off for speaking while the Free were talking ensured that I continued to grow ever more quiet and reserved."

Nidge stops writing for a moment and ponders how much longer he could have continued as a slave. Fear of the Free, boredom, the terror of being abandoned or sold...could someone with a mental state as fragile as he has have continued to live that way for any length of time? The physician shakes his head as if trying to clear his mind of the memory of the dark thoughts that plagued him so much, especially when he was alone at night in the kennel.

"It was hard when my master would send me away so he could spend time with his Free Companion and I would have to sit alone in the kennel. When I accepted my master's collar, I did not know he had a Free Companion, so I had no idea that I would have to share. Of course, sharing would not have been a problem if it wasn't for the fact that we got to spend so little time together anyway. He always seemed to be sleeping or travelling. He also had to perform his duties as slaver."

"I found it upsetting when my master's Free Companion suggested that I should be made to watch them as they spent time together in the furs. Knowing how much I loved my master, it seemed like a particularly cruel act to have me there and not allow me to participate. It felt like his way of saying, "He is mine". That wounded me deeply and made me think of running away."

The physician lifts his eyes from the page in front of him. He stares hard across the room as the tears sting his eyes; willing himself not to cry over events that are now past. Confusion still rages inside his head. Why was he collared? He thought it was love, but if that was the case, why did he feel so rejected and more alone than he had ever felt in his life? Nidge closes his eyes against the welling tears and swallows hard as he struggles to regain his composure. Despite the heat of the desert and the sun streaming in to the room, he feels cold and a shiver runs through his body causing goosebumps to spread in a wave across his skin. There is something lurking in the back of his mind; like a whisper he can't quite hear, but yet it still unsettles him.

"Part of me wishes I had never accepted a collar...so much damage came as a result of it. I cannot help but think that if I had never come to Klima, they would all have been much better off. I am sure my master and his Free Companion would have still been here, even if not together. My master's sister would probably have been here too. I feel there is tension bubbling under the surface and am afraid that it will break through again and cause further pain to the people I care about so deeply."

"Of course, if I had never come to Klima, I would not have found these wonderful people. I would not have found a home. I would not have felt like I finally belonged somewhere."

Nidge sits at his desk in the infirmary at Klima. The desert city is quiet and his mind is wandering over recent events. He rises from his seat and looks out over the city to the dunes beyond...