Past Imperfect (IC)

Nidge, the lowly salt slave of Klima, sleeps soundly on his new cushion at the foot of his master's bed. His master is away. Sometimes Nidge goes to sleep at the mistress's home when his master is away, but tonight he is in his master's place. He feels close to his master here surrounded by his master's things, the familiar feel and sounds and smells in this room.

The darkness is all consuming down here in the slaver's quarters in the kennel as the fire has not been lit tonight. There is a chill in the air but the heat of the desert sun takes several ahn to dissipate from the stone building. Nidge feels safe here.

After a while, Nidge begins to move restlessly on the cushion. The dark shadows of his past creep across his mind and invade his dreams. Nidge was born to respected parents. His father is a physician and his mother assists in the scribery. He has an older brother and a younger sister. Childhood was happy and he and his siblings were educated by both of their parents. His mother's talents in the scribery were very beneficial in helping her children study scrolls on medicines and keep notes and documents for the infirmary. Nidge loves his mother deeply and idolises the father who he once aspired to be like.

Things changed.

The young apprentice physician had grown up with many friends. One in particular, Tentius, was very dear to him. His friend was a strong and handsome builder of the city. He was jovial and popular with everyone. He was the first man that Nidge sumbitted to in the furs. The experience was a big step for him as it was the first time he revealed his true nature to anyone. Tentius had teased that he would place his collar at the throat of the healer if he was not careful in displaying his submissive side. Nidge had been horrified at the thought of this, but his friend had roared with laughter at the look on his face. It was morning before they slept and Nidge slumbered soundly in the arms of the man he adored, though he would not admit that he had come to love him so deeply.

That evening, Nidge had been on his way home from the market when he saw his lover emerge from a tavern. His heart raced at the sight of him. He was about to rush over to him when he realised his friend was with a man Nidge had seen before but did not know. Something in their manner made the healer feel uncomfortable. He delayed his return home in favour of following the two men. They lead Nidge back to Tentius' home. He watched with rising jealousy as they lost themselves in each other's arms.

When Nidge eventually saw his friend again, he did not mention what he had seen. He felt hurt and betrayed but they had enjoyed only one night together and no commitment had been spoken of. Nidge had no claim on the man. Later that night, he met Tentius in the tavern and ended up spending the night in his furs once more. His body had seemed truly alive and tingled with the sensations as the man used him roughly but lovingly. All of his senses were awakened and the next day it was as if the whole world was new to him.

As time went on, Nidge realised that the handsome builder he felt he could not live without was dividing his time between himself and the other man. Rage and jealousy boiled within him, but Tentius only had to speak and Nidge would run to be with him. He realised he was acting like a slave, but his need to be loved was too great for him to fight.

One day while alone in the infirmary, Nidge heard someone enter as he was preparing some salves. He had turned to see the man who he knew his lover was also furring. The man was a guard and had had an accident with a knife. His injury was not life threatening. Nidge's jealous was. Nidge said the wound would require minor surgery and offered the man something for the pain. The guard accepted and Nidge administered the lethal injection.

The physician said that the man told him he had been the victim of an unknown assailant. He said he suspected that there had been some poison on the blade that had cut him. Nidge's family were well respected so there was no reason to doubt what he said.

Later that night Nidge called on his lover. He pretended he was shocked that the man who had died in the infirmary a few ahn before had been known to Tentius. Nidge lead him to the furs were he made every effort to console his friend. The two of them spent more and more time together. Nidge sometimes thought of the man he murdered, but tried to push the images from his mind. Little did the guilty healer know but his mind was already starting to fracture.

Eventually Nidge was accepted as his lover's Free Companion. They lived happily for a long time. Each day, they were two Free Men of high caste going about their business, well thought of by their colleagues and friends. Each night in the privacy of the home they shared, they were master and slave. Sometimes the physician's body would ache with the pleasures and punishments meted out by his master in the furs. He loved him deeply.

One day a man came to the city. He was an outlaw, a thief. Nidge and Tentius discovered him as they strolled through the city and went to investigate a disturbance. It was that day that Nidge's Free Companion lost his life to the man's blade and the healer's heart was broken. In his desperate attempt to save the life of the man he loved so much, Nidge barely noticed the outlaw leave. When the physician was found an ahn later, cradling the body of his beloved, he was almost catatonic with grief.

Wandering outside the city walls much later, his mind and heart both destroyed, the physician stumbled upon an injured man. Instinctively he went to assist though his head was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. On seeing the injured man up close, his mind cleared for an instant. He took up the thief's knife and drove it in to him time and again, hacking the man apart.

Nidge did not return to his Home Stone. The following morning he washed himself in the river. He wandered many places, accepting payment for his services in numerous cities. Grief and guilt ate at him wherever he went. In time he would become suspicious, nervous and paranoid. His loathing for outlaws grew ever stronger. He was unaware that he would eventually be one himself. He did not think he would ever love again. He did not think he would have a Free Companion again. He did not think he would ever submit to a man again.

Nidge has since been the target of outlaws. He has even treated their injuries. He has had a Free Companion. He has loved. He has submitted. Sometimes it is almost as though the events that took place in his Home Stone of birth never occurred, but in the back of his mind the memory of them lurks. And waits. When it breaks through, he becomes irrational and emotional. The people who know him must wonder what darkness lies behind those moments. They can never know the truth.

Nidge rolls over on the cushion at the foot of his master's bed. Dreams of his master fill his head once more. Dreams of being close to him, his touch, how his skin feels, how he smells, how he tastes. If anyone could have seen him then, they would have seen the smile on his face. Nidge is fortunate. Very fortunate indeed.