New Day (IC and OOC)

So this blog is IC and OOC. Make up your own mind which part is which; my head is scrambled and I don't know who, where or what I am at the minute.

I am tired and emotional. My real life stress (not being paid for five weeks as the company I work for has no money, the problem with my throat, etc.) is starting to wear me down. Yesterday's events in the Gorean world were more than I could handle. Roleplay is one thing, deliberate deception and deceitfulness are another entirely. Bitching, backstabbing and fighting openly amongst the members of a community are not acceptable. The prospect of losing a very good friend sent me over the edge. I wandered unchallenged through several sims last night - outlaws who have previously expressed an interest in me backed off as I stormed in to view. And it was such a simple thing to do; all I had to do was change the label on my meter to read "Just fuck off, okay?"

This morning I was less upset but more angry. I did my morning walk as always, watching an alleged friend who has removed me as a contact TPing from one sim to another seemingly to keep out of my path - I hope he isn't worried in case I find out that he left Gor and tried to get off with my non-Gorean partner while I was offline... I know everything that goes on within my land - who, where and for how long. I told my partner he should have gone for it.

I then went to the tavern in Tabor and sat quietly. I received a message from someone I had met only once. He asked me to join him; he also made the mistake of asking me how I was - so I told him exactly how I was. He was so lovely. He sat with me for at least an hour, talking to me, advising me, soothing my anger, etc. He made me smile which is something I did not expect to do. There were three pieces of really good advice he gave me - one of which was to not fall in love... I explained that in less than two weeks in Gor, I had fallen in love three times already. Of course, I didn't tell him who with, especially as one of them is partnered in SL and another is partnered in both SL and RL. One of them is a part of my homestone, one is from another sim and the last one is an outlaw. Thankfully ADHD means I have a short attention span - and I already have my non-Gorean partner who I have been with for longer than anyoe realises. I would still like to find a man in Gor. I am not talking about love or furring, I am looking for something deeper and more lasting - companionship. I don't care about his personal circumstances - he could be 18 or 80, he could be gay or straight (I did mention that there was no need for furring); I just want to not feel so alone when I walk the streets.

May the Priest Kings favour you.